| .014 |
[16 May 2008|02:11pm] |
I've decided that dumb & retiring & unambitious women are absolutely useless. ABSOLUTELY USELESS. Even if they're fit as fuck, they're so WELL-BEHAVED & I can't stand well-behaved women. Please. Fight with me. Tell me when I'm being a tit. Doormats are SO DAMN BORING.
Give me a loudmouth any day! Give me a bitch! Give me a completely relentless CAREER WOMAN! Give me a QUIDDITCH BROAD! Give me a bird who either HAS SEX & is PROUD OF IT, or a bird who's gonna TELL ME WHERE TO SHOVE IT when she don't want to have sex with me! I don't care! Love 'em all! I am NEVER gonna waste my time with quiet little mice-women who only say "yes" and "okay" and "you decide". GIVE ME A WOMAN WHO'LL KICK MY ARSE INTO THE GROUND. Give me a woman unafraid of PROTEST.
I SHAVED FOR PADMA PATIL. I SHAVED for her!! & it was totally worth my while. That's the ticket. I'M NEVER GOING BACK TO ANY OTHER SORT OF WOMAN.
GO DROWN IN THE THAMES, TIMID PEOPLE
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| .12 |
[01 May 2008|10:50am] |
HAPPY MAY DAY!!! As SOON as I'm outta Beats for Beaters I'm gonna go wrap myself in ribbons & dance around a pole. & YES PHALLIC SYMBOL & YES I CAN'T WAIT.
Until then... yeah, work. I've been amusing myself by going over the tarot card reading I gave myself last night. I was way too pissed to manage anything complicated - so just a one-card spread for me, maties. I got the sun reversed, which is a laugh. Nostalgia, haunting memories, sorrow over what's past? Yeahhhh... not me. I don't believe in regret, none. Everything you do - good or bad - is gonna change you. It's a shaper, a builder. Not something to be regretted, yeah? Living your life with one foot in the past is worse'n killing a unicorn. It's a half life with NO life if you ask ME.
So FIE ON YOU, TAROT CARD! FIE!!!
Anyway. Um. Let's see, what else. Um um um. Oh, I totally just discovered the Rolling Stones. I know that's like, obscene to you Mudbloods or Muggleborns or whatever-the-hell-I'm-supposed-to-call-you, but DAMN, they're good. Sympathy for the Devil? Yeahhhh classic. Also, I want Mick Jagger's trousers. It's true. Because they're bleeding fit.
& don't tell me I can't have them because if you tell me that I WILL KILL YOU DEAD.
Also completely true.
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| .11 |
[26 Apr 2008|03:53pm] |
Call me an optimist, but I hope they kill the furry bastards & put the parts on the black market. You know how hard it is to find werewolf parts that're actually fresh? Last time I got my hands on a paw was... Merlin, before the war. That shit's worth some MONEY, people. & yeah, cursed objects, WHATEVER. Obviously I'm not supporting ANY illegal activity, 'cause that would be SO BAD, SO IMMORAL. I'm just saying, all hypothetical-like.
Anyway, congrats & all that or whatever. The only way I woulda liked the news better woulda been if Weasley or Potter got eaten. Then I'd be crying happy tears.
( Warded Private )
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| .10 |
[13 Apr 2008|10:01pm] |
Okay so I totally got all the galleons that were falling from the sky as I could, & being a responsible type, I went & bought a fuckton of candy with my newfound wealth. I mean, I thought about saving it, but that's so BORING. So instead, I bought about a freaking closet-full of acid pops, chocoballs, toothflossing stringmints for when I need to snog someone, peppermint toads, licorice wands, ice mice, & of course the old standby, chocolate frogs.
I'm a very happy wizard. It takes so little. & you know what would make me even happier? Why, to share & share alike with my fellow man. Specifically, my fellow WOman. & so if anyone wants to come rot their teeth, believe you me - I GOT A NEVERENDING SUPPLY OF SUGAR, WOO!!!
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| .009 |
[08 Apr 2008|09:46pm] |
I love how like, some people are whinging 'bout DRACO MALFOY BEING BACK OH NO & then some people are whinging 'bout office supplies being stolen. & some people are whinging 'bout both. I can't decide what to whinge 'bout. I don't give a doxy's arse 'bout office supplies, & I danced a fancy jig for one of my mates walking free. So I guess that life's going well at the moment! I could use a little more tits & arse but hell, who couldn't, AM I RIGHT?
The New Moon's been thick with Australian witches lately. I think there's been a tour or summat. You'd think that Australians would be easy considering they're all related to criminals or whatever, but sadly, no dice. It's tragic.
OH OH OH & Pickles ate my last dinosaur. You know those little tiny dinosaurs that were running 'round? Yeah, Pickles ate Killer. It's her FELINE NATURE before you fucking animal-loving freaks start bitching at me.
I've decided that I'll whinge about my chutney going bad prematurely. OH MERLIN. MY CHUTNEY, IT IS EXPIRED. I THINK I'M GOING TO GO EXPRESS MORAL OUTRAGE ABOUT IT & THEN HAVE A GOOD CRY.
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| .008 |
[23 Mar 2008|04:30pm] |
Oye, I ate like eight biscuits & I don't feel any different. Maybe they don't work on everyone. Maybe I'm IMMUNE. But I'm still yammering away like I always do.
Anyway, life sucks, & all of that. I'm so sick of people, lately; it don't matter how close you look at them, you're never gonna be able to tell if the face they're showing you is the real one. So yeah, I was an arse & worked for the Death Eaters & probably got a whole hell of a lot of people killed or imprisoned or otherwise Royally Effed Up. What'm I supposed to do about it now? Cry every day? Off myself? For fuck's sake.
Sad bit is, yeah. That's probably what I'm supposed to do if I feel some plasticine version of remorse. But you know, I'd like to keep from adding to the body count & actually stick around. Call me selfish; it's what I am & I innit never had much shame of it. If that makes me a terrible person, well Leanne, you got yourself an answer to that question you asked me earlier:
Are you a good person?
There innit no such thing, baby.
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| .007 |
[19 Mar 2008|04:08pm] |
This is a picture where I'm being sexy, tee hee. Insert comment here about how I'm not as pretty as other people & how feminism rules!!!
& LOOK NO FURTHER FOR THE DEAD HORSE, PEOPLE. IT'S RIGHT HERE & READY TO BE BEATEN with the MORAL CONDEMNATION STICK!!!
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| .006 |
[16 Mar 2008|10:43pm] |
So CONTRARY TO POPULAR OPINION I really was helping Mum move the past week or so. She'd moved in with Dad again, & then there was some WORLD-ENDING FIGHT & then I got a floo-call from her to help her move out, so being the dutiful son, I did. & then no less than two days after she was completely back in her old flat, I got ANOTHER floo-call saying that she was gonna give it another shot with the bastard & could I help her move back in, please? So I did. & I really am getting sick of all this jerking-on-a-chain business; I'm a delicate creature & obviously all these crushed expectations of commitment & family life can't be good for my self-esteem & my parents are totally NOT BEING GOOD EXAMPLES FOR ME, so I can blame them for growing up screwed.
HEY MARIETTA LET'S GO ON A DATE.
Anyway, IN OTHER NEWS. Beats for Beaters is having a sale tomorrow; classics from the 80s are gonna be on for... 3 galleons each, I think. I'm totally gonna hit up all the old Jumping Jones records; I know it's dead uncool to still get a stiffy for punk but I'm all about that bouncy shit, you know.
Oh & Padma, did you bring back something from Spain for me?
JESUS CHRIST I bought some incense a few days ago & tried to burn it but I think I did it wrong 'cause I totally set fire to my curtains last night & my landlord was all up my arse about it too. Like he can't just magic up NEW CURTAINS, for Merlin's sakes. & even if he can't, get over it, they're curtains & so not worth as much as my LIFE. He should be grateful I SURVIVED THE BLAZING INFERNO.
Blazing... why does that--OH HEY BLAISE I FOUND A DIRTY RAG I THINK YOU'D LIKE AHAHA.
Shit I was gonna write about something else but I totally forgot what it was.
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| .006 |
[11 Mar 2008|05:30pm] |
You know what? WHO NEEDS THIS STUPID MOURNING BULL.
Party in the New Moon. Those who want, come with your prayer beads, with your incense, with your sadness & with your memories, & most importantly, COME WITH YOUR BEER! Why mourn for the dead when you can celebrate their life? SCREW this solemn candlelight new age CRAP, let's HAVE A LAUGH & let's make it LONG & LOUD.
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| .005 |
[02 Mar 2008|09:39pm] |
OYE JOHNSON. You owe me a MIRROR & an ALARM CLOCK, you wasted bint.
( Warded Private )
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| .004 |
[28 Feb 2008|11:00pm] |
Anyone wanna do something after my shift at the New Moon? We close at two, so I'll be ready for action by two-thirty. Sleep? Sleep is for the weak. & for old, married people.
Speaking of which: sucks to be you, Astoria.
I'm never gonna get married. Can't imagine a worse nightmare, really. The same person day in & day out? Forever & ever amen? Seriously, just cast the final Unforgiveable on my arse & let me die. That'd be preferable to dealing with all that holy matrimony bullshit.
Thank Merlin for being socially unacceptable. Least I know no one's gonna try to hook me up with some inbred frigid bitch. (& I don't mean that in a "THAT'S WHAT ASTORIA IS" way. 'Cause I love that girl. In fact, if she's looking for One Final Shag, I'm always game.)
& Morag, King Tut's remix of "Senseless" is fucking fit. Why did this get buried under those other crap mixes of your single? For fuck's sake. All the poofs claiming that electro is dead obviously need to lose their ears. & so what if it's a few years old; still a bloody pop classic.
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| .003 |
[21 Feb 2008|08:46pm] |
Holy SHIT; if the bass don't make your heart wanna fall out your nose then it so INNIT LOUD ENOUGH.
Okay so, it's the full moon here at New Moon, meaning all ladies get three shots for two. Drop by & request a tune & if the tune don't SUCK then maybe I'll honour it. I'm feeling the 80s vibe tonight, so expect some vintage Black Potion & maybe a couple of tunes off of Def Doxy's My Hair's Bigger Than Your Rack.
Not too much to report on. Fucking water got fucking jerked 'cause they claim I didna pay for it. & so what if I didn't? Fuck I need water. Anyway so any & all tips you give to me'll be appreciated & I promise not to use them toward too many nefarious purposes, outside of EATING DEATH & the like, 'cause obviously some of you TITS aren't over that whole war thing yet. Merlin, someone almost bit my head off at Beats for Beaters the other day when I said that keeping anyone in jail over that shite was ree-fucking-diculous. What a surprise, we all bloody kill people but it's the winners who get to be all MORAL about it.
Anyway, see what not having water does to me? I've been having to SPELL IT UP. For EVERYTHING. It's a pain in my bollocks, is what it is, & I for one am sick of it.
C'mon ladies! Three for two! You people should be on this like blubber on Bulstrode; I'm totally considering faking a pair of baps to partake. Hey, LAURA MADLEY, if I put on baps to get a free drink would you like me again any?
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| .02 |
[14 Feb 2008|10:17pm] |
Kay, I don't know 'bout the rest of you lot, but I'm gonna try spinning my records completely off my arse tonight, 'cause sobriety just innit happening after the day I've had. No offense Laura; you're totally fit & you'd totally be the hoop to my quaffle, but I keep hearing that you prefer the company of women, which, to be frank about, I'm all 'bout endorsing, so love to you & your girl & all that. No hard feelings, yeah? We probably need to figure out if we actually eloped or not, 'cause uh... I was just staring at you during that whole thing & I have no idea what I signed NEVER MIND, I'll worry about that LATER when I'm not GETTING PISSED.
So yeah, head to the New Moon if you'd like to dance & commiserate 'bout fat little retroactive abortions with wings. Don't forget, free shots 'til midnight.
& I feel like I should probably write a private way deep angsty entry, but fuck it. At least everyone's in the same boat yeah? THE BOAT OF LOVE.
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| .001 |
[10 Feb 2008|10:38pm] |
Ladies, fetch your smelling salts. Gentlemen, lock up your daughters. Ossy Bole's just moved in to 239 Euphoria Lane, & he's talking 'bout himself in the THIRD PERSON.
Alright so, since it's everyone's LEAST FAVOURITE HOLIDAY, the New Moon's gonna have a special ladies' night. Dress up as your most idiotic ex, & receive free drinks 'til midnight. The lady with the best costume's gonna get a special prize & a song dedicated to her by the DJ... that'd be me.
Try to contain yourselves. I know it innit easy, but trust me, I like you birds conscious.
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